48 hours to hell - yeah

 It has been more than 48 hours of detoxing from you. 

Am I doing fine, I guess. Of doing the Mantra I let go.

I free my mind, and fill it in with other chores 

Monotone, diverse, but most of all to breathe without a thought of your existence 

It’s a long way to freedom, but I’m determined to to reach that destination 

I know I will meet you again, in a correct time, right place and it will be very special 

I still could not understand and grasp that time took  and imprisoned me with my own choice

Is it love ? Because not even once did I feel something in our physical union any satisfaction. 

Maybe my brain is cast in black magic - you are a black magic Man and made my mind possessed 

I’m on my way to freedom, of peace and no worries.

Time to give myself the energy and love I have lost for you in three years. 

This time it’s no joke.

I accepted defeat

Reality hurts they say but nothing compares to how I feel 

3 years of undefined  happiness it felt, yet deep down it’s surreal 

I walk away in silence with my heart is bleeding,

I accepted defeat and my mind is searching.

I asked you if can you live without me ? You said maybe,..

I said I can’t in my mind, see a life without you surely.

But here I am turning my back on you accepting defeat

I realized you are not meant for me. 

I looked in your eyes and I see,

That I have been very silly.

So I walk away in silence.

Accepting defeat.

I may have loved you with all purity.

I may have given you sovereignty.

But I know deep within me that what I want from you will never be.

Goodbye is hard to say but I must.

In doing so releases me from this insanity. 

Love Hurts

 So this is love 😔🥲

I have known you for sometime.

When you are the happiest 

And the saddest 

The angriest

The quietest

When you are mentally in pain

And physically unfit

Psychologically imbalance 

Indecisive 

Intimately I have seen the worst of you, 

The best of you.

Your dark side and your bright side too

Pfffff but why do I still feel this love for you. 

Is Love a torture 

Is it painful

Is it frustrating 

I supposed so…

Because I love you for whatever you are 

Bad, dark, good, happy, sad. 

But that’s how love is - that’s how my love is 

My love is a sacrifice 

My love is total submission

My Love is giving all I have 

My Love is pure

My Love is kind 

My Love is understanding 

My Love is patiënt 

My Love is never ending 

My Love is You 

I’m over you?

 It felt different, it felt not the same

I looked at you and said you look like no other 

I took a deep breath and and searched myself

Tried to understand what feelings to consider 

But that deep emotional love seems to have left

What is it, what could it be, is it over 

Days passed by and it feels like ordinary

I looked at your pictures but no shudder 

Is it true? Has it happened that the love I felt 

Is gone and I am finally sober 

All I think about is You

 Like that song called Heat Wave

Last night all I think about is you

Head so occupied and thoughts lost 

I am damned to Hell Hole

What is it that makes you so attractive 

Is it your youth and deliberate indecadence

Your fountain of unsureness unlimited 

Or you overly confidence a volunté

Here I am scratching my head to oblivion 

Wondering what really is going on 

Turned inside out upside down 

Hopefully  one day I would be normal again 

What is it that made you so special 

Is it your high intelligence Quotient  

That seemingly know it all facial gestures 

Or that innocent play eyes look

Pfffffffff Im out of ideas 

What could it be

That made me fall for you

Those kisses 😔

But you are so cold now

The playful eye glint is gone 

No more playtime

No more fun 

  

Emptinesses

No sound, no taste, no sight no feelings 

Emptiness has staken  over me 

No warmth , no light , no magic 

It feels like coming to an end 

I felt it was better before 

But I was deeply fooled 

A hood over my head I fell

Into your abyss trap 

Like a icy cold water 

It hit me dead flat 

Lost in self battle I waver

Trying to hold on at last 

But I have to wake up from this dream 

So magical it maybe 

But emotionally terrifying 

Im on the verge of breaking 

Strength is gone  and I’m empty

My powers has run out

You sucked all the lights of me

And left me hanging dry 

In the end we say farewell 

We bid each other goodbye

We tell to one another how it was

And leave it all at that 

Your beautiful eyes will haunt me 

Your taunting voice so childish

Your mannerism so unsure

Your touch so warm and fiery 

I will miss you easily

You have been a part of me

A grow up process ending up dearly 

Leaving an emptiness in me 

Gave it a year - We said

 Now to that point of no return 

I felt I have lost my brain

my pride and dignity in vain 

But worst of all I lost my heart and in pain

I have resigned and gave up

Opened my eyes and accepted the fact 

That the difference widened the gap

Between us there’s only a a charade 

As I move on I gained a lesson 

That love cannot be bought nor traded 

Nor can it be sold to the highest bidder 

It can only be felt deep inside your feelings 

I looked at you at dinner time.

your dimples I haven’t seen before 

couldn’t bear the fact you are so beautiful 

And that im so lost and in-love with you.

I hide from you and cloud my eyes 

I could not show my deep feelings 

Because I know you do not have 

The same love  that I do for you 

I let time and space decide what becomes of us

A year has passed and my heart still  imprisoned

Caged and tied up with yours 

But you have no love for me.

I know that will never be 

But thankful for the time spent together 

Like self torture if no end 

Now I say farewell in my mind 

I see you, I feel you, I hear you, 

Am I dead ? Because the day I realized 

That I  am nothing to you I died .

A thousand times worst then death 

I love you. Maybe I see you in the next life. 

And then you will recognize and see me too

Thank you for your time and affection

It was not enough but better than nothing