A wish...

I have lost 2.2 kilos today...haleluja! Am I in love? (giggling in my head) I haven't started drinking that red wine yet, from 2000! A wish to myself, or should I say a promise, to live healthily, and enjoy life to the fullest. How do we go around that? I have indulged myself too much and now I am paying dearly for it. I always say this promise to myself and tell-tale consciousness of the nagging fact that I do need to get on with it. I must have lost my inner power. Drowned so much in self pity, running away from the truth, or should I say hiding? Blahhhhhhh...I sound like a bore.

I was helping a patient yesterday, she is 175cm in height, weighs approximately 55 kilos, with an athletic body! The shocked I felt when she told me she is 58 years old, wtf...excuse my abbreviations but, WTF! She looked like 20 years old for all I care. It hit me so hard...I have been so foolish, selfish, fat and ugly beast! (Smiling)...

So, what is the aim of the new Project : 60 kilos at the end of October...Consistency, awareness and consciousness...may God be with me. Deadline is 27 October 2011 or I pay a 10K in Euros to a communist leader Mr. Celie. I cannot lose this bet. Besides, I get twice the amount if I win, plus a healthy mind and body!

What is the strategy? I wrote it down to just to remember, Six weeks is 43 days to the count down zero. If I aim to lose 30 kilos in 43 days, how much should I burn for each and every day?

I need to burn 3500 calories in the beginning, "are you killing me, mean kidding me?" Plus the fact that I need to lessen my calories intake "this is not happening" -hi hi hi. I can hear the doctor voice echoing in the billows of my thoughts. I asked myself, what am i getting into? And then jolted by the remembrance that a 10K European dollars are on stake, not to mention double amount if I win.

If I need then to lose weight by burning calories, lessen calories intake and have an explicit plan to build up muscles and live a sound and attractive physical attributions, then I do need God at my side. I need my motivation 200% up in the ceiling and by strong descipline I am 60 kilos at the end of next month an richer...hmmm, am still thinking

La la la la la la

I am on my high at the moment. No, it is not the caffeine, Doctora! Nor the Belgian chocolate I just have taken advantaged of. It is quite easy to explain but not easy to understand for people who have not yet experienced the true meaning of love and marriage. I don't want to start and cry now, of happiness, of exaltation, of contentness, of feelings of being blessed. It is heart touching, elating, succumbing to every spoilness it represents, the wave of love, the spring of happiness and the endless questions of "will it ever really last?"! Ha ha ha ha, my laugh echoes through my mind.

I believe in marriage. The marriage I have seen my parents was volatile, intensed and highly emotional. I see my mother as the strength, my father the colorfullness, and together they balanced each other. I cannot say it was a perfect marriage. But I admired it in a way that my parents sticked it through thick and thin. That I would have like to have the same experience when I marry. I feel blessed. I thank my parents for their loving, god-fearing, responsible parenthood. It was strict in my point of view, but their concern and love put me where I am now.

It was not an easy sailing boat upstream and down stream. I myself made a lot trials and error before I was able to discover the right way to go, and what are the warning signs I have to look out for.

1) A real gentleman never lets a gentle woman pay the bill, in all sense of the word.

2) A real man waits his que, delivers his timing in an appropriate way, always considering the

womans emotional state. In short, very respectful, but strike his decisiveness at a perfect

timing.

3) A wonderful man always consider himself last. A true gentleman.

4) A true man, listens not just with the ears but also with the heart. And that whatever bad thing you have done for whatever reason, he will try to understand.

5) An exceptional man will help you on what ever trouble you are and keep by your side until

the time everything has been normalised.

6) A man with true intention will accept anything about you, would want to know anything about you, will accept any bad thing that you have done, however grim and dark it is, that when you tell him he would understand you...

Hahaha...who am i kidding about? Is this just a wisp of my imagination? There is no such man!!!

Sorry to dis appoint you, but there is, but you have to deserve his faith, his respect, his love and his fidelity even in the outmost undeserved way!

Happy hunting if ever you haven't found him yet!

The magic is gone

The magic was gone! You wake up one morning, feeling heavy and no excitement. Why!?

I used to burn for my passions, could be I am lost? Missled? Disappointed? Or just maybe plain bored?

It is like having to take Prozac! No ife, no meaning, no feelings...

You choose

...for love, for freedom, for friends, for a career...

You choose. You take the consequences and make the best of it! If it does not work, you might have to make a change. It is your choice.

Pure happiness is being able to choose...and if it does not work...the choice to change!

Into my forties... feels the same but does look different...or it feels different but looks the same...is a matter of perspective...it seems to be stable though.

The past belongs to the past

...and let your present take over! Ha ha ha...easily said than done since so much connection and very strong emotions are connected to the past. It hurts then but the happiness that the preset brings cannot be compared! You cry, you get depressed, you felt helpless and then it goes over!

The sun peaks out behind those ugly dark clouds and tell myself...I live in the presence of present!!!